When God set me up to talk about Him

Something really unexpected happened to me yesterday. Well, I was asked to train the feature writers of my former school’s paper. There were also copyreaders who listened to my talk.

Anyway, fast forward to after my talk, I asked them to make an article and give me the topics they want to write about. I was planning to choose among their proposed topics and teach them how to narrow these down. However, because they really weren’t suggesting anything, I threatened them that if they did not think fast, they would have to write an article, a personality sketch, about me.

And it did turn out that way.

So they had to interview me first so that they had something to write about. The conversation led to blogging and then my faith. It was awesome because I realized that they were no longer asking me questions for an article, they were asking me about Jesus. I literally forgot that we were in a training, and just answered their questions. We talked about the crucifixion, Jesus being the sacrifice needed for our sins, God’s unconditional love, and Jesus being the cure for everything. We talked about more, and I told them that they no longer have to write an article about me. Instead, they can come up with a feature article about everything that they’ve learned or what impacted them.

I never expected that I’d be able to share the Gospel to these young people. I never thought that God would turn that day into something more meaningful. I mean, I was just looking forward to sharing what I know about writing, but Jesus was thinking of other things. I was to talk about HIM. He’s so great and awesome and able. He is so amazing.

About the post I reblogged.

You know, this.

I’d be honest that I didn’t reblog it because I think some of you needed it. I reblogged it for me. See, I’m always left alone in our house and I’m bored so I always go to Tumblr for hours straight just reblogging stuff, without spending time with the Father first. I do read the Bible, I do still write stuff on my journal, but my heart is not in it all the time.

I love being in Tumblr to read all those encouraging posts, reminders and things. I won’t leave Tumblr. I think I’ll be here till for years and years. When I had my devotion this morning and last night, I realized that nothing can kill ‘boredom’ better than just listening to the Father in peace, or just writing random things to Him, or just talking to Him. And then this morning, I read that post and it’s like a confirmation of what I’d been made to realize last night.

If by chance, you were condemned by that post— well, I want you to know that you don’t have to be condemned. You and I were just directed back to what’s really the best and the most beautiful sources of joy in our life: time with the Father and Jesus. Let’s not allow anything else deceive us into settling for what is second-best. (Here’s the thing, also: God LOOOOVES to spend time with YOU.) :>

Oh, and about the followers part (since I’m really pouring out my heart already to you, beloved ones, early in the morning, I better make the most of it), I admit that I do feel like I have to work harder to gain more followers. I also will be honest that I’m losing followers, and sometimes it makes me think about what is wrong with me. But then, at the end of the day, I’m just being silly. I don’t need more followers, I don’t need more notes, I already have everything I want and need. I have Jesus. Father has taught me how to really face this kind of situation: He taught me to thank Him for every single one of you who still, you know, stayed with me.

So yeah. Honesty hour is over. Hahaha. No just joking; it’s not like I’m lying to you, my friends, the rest of the time here. I’m done pouring my heart out. And you’re all beautiful and blessed and loved, and let’s keep on keeping our eyes on Jesus! Only on Him. :) I pray that you’re having a great day! Mabuhay!

In the Beloved,

Pam

My dad thinks I’ve gone crazy.

I’m normally quiet at home. Tonight, though, I’d been so blessed by reading a lot of articles about our God being a very joyful Father over all of us, and I’ve also watched a lot of sermons. And, I don’t know, I was just so happy, and I couldn’t keep it to myself. I was smiling all over dinner and I even served to my parents a tall glass of cold water, which I rarely did. I was just so happy, and it’s all because of the Father’s goodness overwhelming me.

And then my dad told me, ”Pam, please go out of the house sometimes. Don’t stay stuck here.” He was serious when he said it, then I realized that he thought I must have been going bonkers because I’m almost always left alone at our house because of the vacation. They’re not used to me being like this.

But it’s okay. I know that change is fine, and my Father God is mending my relationship with my family. I know it’s gonna be really, really awkward at first, but He will pull through. He always does. And I’m having a great time with Him.

So, I saw my grades.

Because they’re potentially disappointing to all those people who are supporting my college education, I made a “next semester’s resolution:”

——-> RESTING AND DEPENDING MORE ON GOD’S GRACE

I learned my lesson last semester, I think. I focused more on my studies, and depended on my hard work and diligence, which, of course, made me always anxious, stressed, and tired. My trusting in myself led me to being disappointed with myself, and I don’t want that to happen again.

I’m going to believe that God can really do great things in my life without me having to be anxious about anything. I believe that God can prosper us without us being like Martha— too fussy about doing everything on our own. I’m gonna be like Mary, sitting in the foot of Jesus, receiving from Him only. And I know, miraculously and definitely, He’s gonna work miracles in me and in my studies, and get all the glory to Himself. Despite of what I can do, I’m gonna hang on to what Jesus can do. I’m gonna identify my new self with Him, and I will labor to enter into His rest and hand unto Him every single worry, or trouble I’m gonna face and let Him deal with it. 

So yes, to be honest, I’m excited to see what Jesus is going to do. And it’s going to be more than what my own talent or wit can make possible. AMEN.

Actually, I’m surprised. After reading 1 John 4, God seemed to whisper in my heart that, “You forgot that you love your parents, beloved.” Suddenly, all the hurt and the anger is gone, and I just want to say sorry to my parents. I do love them, but it’s not some kind of feeling or emotion. We’re all imperfect, I know, but still. God’s love conquers all things. God’s love is the greatest. He’s just so great, how He corrects our hearts. Thank You, Father. Thank you for the prayers, bros and sisses. :>

Um, hi. I’m sorry.

Yeah, I’m sorry for my post last night. It’s been the first time I broke down— cried— like that because of being misunderstood and being looked through. There really are periods when I hate my parents so much; my journals are proof of this. I’ll write endless plans of leaving our house and starting a life of my own, finishing college, working, sending some money for my siblings, but never coming home.

Last night, I just had it, I guess. I realized that I shouldn’t keep all that I’ve gone through in the past few years from my parents, but then suddenly, they just started saying things which made me realize that they won’t really care or understand about the things I wanted to tell them. It hurts, because I’ve read stuff here on Tumblr about people who told their parents about what’s been happening to them, and their parents would just hug them and cry with them. I fantasized that it would be the same for me, but no. I feel like that I’m the first one in my family who actually had issues with depression and those stuff.

And then this morning, I woke up in a bad mood. My mother started scolding me, and really hinting that I’m worthless and useless in the family. And I was so angry, so hurt, so… I don’t know. I just wanted to leave and never come back.

But then, I started asking myself where is God in all this? What part is He playing? We all go through rough experiences. Some of us become depressed. Some of us give in to anger and bitterness. Some of us just go sad and give up.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. —Romans 8: 38-39

You know the answer I received from Him? He’s still with me. I may get angry at my parents, I may really leave our house, I may sometimes break down because of the hurt, but He’s still with me. He loves me. He doesn’t leave me during the time I am most vulnerable. He stays with me, even though all that I keep on looking at is how hopeless my state is. All this things never kept me away from Him. Instead, I believe that He drew closer to me, protecting me from worse things. He never withdrew His hand from me.

During difficult times, our Father is always present. He’s in our midst. We may not feel like it, but He won’t ever forsake us, even though we feel so angry. Nothing will ever repel Him from us.

And then in Isaiah 53, there was a verse there that says, ‘He carried our sorrows.’ Jesus knew every sorrow we’re gonna face, because He Himself carried them. He carried them for us. He dealt with them at the cross. I’m gonna let Him carry them for me. I’m gonna surrender it all to Him. Will you, beloved? It’s so hard to carry all these emotions around. They may explode any time, and leave us in pieces. But we can leave them at the cross. We can move forward knowing that He has dealt with them at the cross. By dealing with them, it means that He has defeated them. And because He and you are one, you’re victorious over all these, beloved. His love made complete everything you’ll ever need in this life.

“And on the third day, He rose again.” Your Savior is alive. You know what this means? You can share in His life. There is healing, there is restoration, there is redemption, and you can all claim them. He’s won them for you. Along with the cross, the empty grave gives you assurance of victory. He rose above them all, beloved. For you.

Maybe right now, you don’t what you should do, or if ever you’re gonna get past this, but Jesus is alive. He’s finished it all. Let’s all just surrender this all to Him and let Him do the wonders. You have authority over the sorrow, the depression, and the anger, because He is within you, beloved. During the times we lose control, He’s still with us, because He’s the One who has brought in the healing. We’re getting through this, because He’s with us. He’s never gonna leave. He loves us.

If I told my parents that I used to cut, they’d call me crazy.

The last time my mom caught me, she called me crazy and left me in the room. I’ve gone through so much pain, and I never told them. They won’t understand. I’ve had a difficult life, and a difficult time emotionally growing up, and the only reason why I’m still right here, alive, is Jesus. He’s the only one I can count on to.  

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. —Psalm 27:10

Through all that I’ve been through, God stood by me. His love never failed me. And I believe He won’t fail me, even now. He’s the best parent all of us can ever have.